The Plastic Spoon

Would You Tell Your Roommate?

When I was in college, my buddies and I would go to a small bar/dance club which was 18 and up.  Every Thursday night, we would sit outside in the parking lot and drink Mickey's Ice 40's to loosen up before going in.  One night in particular, my roommate was hammered and being completely obnoxious, so when I looked up and saw him making out with a larger girl from my school, I saw my opportunity for revenge.  I made my way around the bar telling all of our friends to look,

"Check it out... 'Mike' is making out with 'Crissy'.  When you see later tonight, tell him that the 'girl' he was making out with is actually a dude... but not to worry, 'cause no one else saw."

Within moments, all of our friends were in on the gag and I made my move.  I walked up to the drunken sloberfest and tapped "Mike" on the shoulder.

"Dude!  That chick you are making out with... she is a man!"

"No way...?"

"Dude, I am serious... look at her... she has an Adams Apple."

"Shit... You're full of it, she's hot"

"Don't worry man, no one saw, and I won't say anything"

"Screw you, she's not a dude."

A few moments went bye and "Mike" went to go to the bathroom.  While in the John, the rest of the plot began to unfold.  One by one, over the course of the next 45 minutes, our friends started telling him that she was really a dude and that it was "OK, 'cause no one else saw."  I got nervous when about an hour later "Mike" was no where to be found.  After looking all over the bar, and asking 'Crissy' where he was, she said this, "It was so weird, he came up to me, shoved me, and said 'f#@% you man... you sick f#@%!' and he went running outside."

Outside is where I found him, head in his hands, muttering... "what was I thinking, I am never drinking again... what was I thinking, I am never drinking again..."  Being the good friend I am, I sat down next to him, put my arm around his shoulder and said, "Don't worry man, no one saw and I promise I won't tell a soul."

Would you tell your roommate?

Poke, Pork Chops, and Porno

I spent the weekend in the city that never bathes, San Fransisco.  It was a good weekend, full of good friends, good food and plenty of good drink.  Perhaps the best meal I had this weekend, maybe top ten best meals of my life, was at a restaurant called Foreign Cinema in the Mission District.  Everything about this place was amazing.  From the feel, to the food, to the service, my evening was perfect.  Without question, there were three things that need to be discussed.

1. The Poke appetizer we had.  Although this is not an actual picture of the dish, you get the idea.  Tuna tartar is highly over done in the restaurant world, and now the Hawaiian version is also quickly becoming as common as a Starbucks on every effing corner.  All this to say, this small little whistle wetter was anything but boring and expectable.  The flavors were robust and yet subtle, and the balance of the dish was a perfect way to begin our meal.

2.  The Pork Chop I had was another surprise.  Again the picture is a misrepresentation of the artful presentation that was my shared dinner last Friday night. Prepared Medium Rare and served with a roasted apricot, this was without doubt the most unbelievable entree I have ever had.  The meat was tender and full of flavor, and the bottle of Justin Tempranillo which accompanied it was perfect.

3.  Finally, the Porn Star!  We sat adjacent to the world famous Eva Angelina, who was [barely] dressed in an orange shirt/dress and her trademark tick-rimmed glasses.  Of course, since we were in such a respectable, and classy restaurant, my guests and I did what you might expect... We starred, we whispered, we even took turns (sometimes in small groups) walking past her table taking obvious and obnoxious glances in her direction in order to confirm that it was indeed Ms. Angelina.... and it was!

Poke, Pork Chops, and Porno.  Unfortunately, like many innovative restaurants, Foreign Cinema is constantly changing their menu.  Next time you go, the Justin will probably be a newer vintage, the Poke will be replaced with a scallop dish, the Pork Chop will be a Rack of Lamb, and Porn Star will probably be Ron Jeremy (not as cool!).

Regardless, I would highly recommend visiting Foreign Cinema the next time you are in San Fransisco.

P.S. Live Sushi had no porn stars, but does have the best sushi in the whole damn city!