The Plastic Spoon

1st Amendment?

The news has found a something new to distract them from the War in Iraq in the recent raid of a Ranch in Texas.  Last week, the 688 Hectare Ranch was just that... A Ranch.  Albeit a Ranch where some weird shit went down, but a Ranch non-the-less.  Inhabited by a Fundamentalist Sect of the Mormon community, the Ranch is a place where people of the community can live in peace with their "unique" religious views.  The sect gained national notoriety when it's religious leader Warren Jeffs was put on the FBI's most wanted list and subsequently arrested for child endangerment, rape, and other "unique" religious crimes.  This week, when the FEDS reenacted the "War of 1993", the media moved from referring to the piece of land as a Ranch and began to call it a compound. The authorities decided to raid the compound after a report was made by a 15 year old girl that she had been forced to marry and have a child with a 50 year old man.  530 women and children were removed from the ranch and the 6 men (I don't know if that number is accurate, but CAN YOU IMAGINE IF IT WAS!?!?!) are not permitted to leave until the investigation is complete.  So... the question is this;

If we have a first amendment right to freedom of religion, why the hell are the FEDS involved in this?  The Polygamy is illegal in this country, but it is part of their religious foundation.  If we know that there is child abuse going on in this sect as part of the philosophical and theological underpinning of it, then why the shit do we allow them the freedom to practice?  Raiding the ranch (or "compound" if it makes it feel more humane) as a result of one child's report of abuse is too late!  THE DAMAGE HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE!  Affording people religious freedom at the expense of someone else's innocence is not what our Founding Fathers intended.

So... if our second amendment right to bear arms can be legislated by the government to protect the innocent, then why shouldn't our first amendment right be regulated as well?  What would the implications be?  My thought is that in a Culture that has been castrated by political correctness, we will never be able to protect the innocent from those who abuse religious authority.  The Branch Dividian didn't start with David Koresh, he just took it to a place where 76 people were burned to death because of his nutty leadership and our government's inability to do anything right.

What can we do?  Is the right to religious freedom worth even one little girl having to marry and conceive a child with her Uncle?  Is it worth 76 lives, including 21 children and 2 pregnant women?  Is it worth 2,974 deaths and the toppling of a city?  What exactly is the value (or worth) of our 2nd Amendment right?

A Matter of the Heart?

In 1995, Sonny Graham was given the gift of life.  On the verge of heart failure, Graham received the miracle mixed blessing of organ donation.  The donor, a 33 year old man, fell victim to the selfish lie of suicide.  In what must have been the most confusing and horrifying hours of the donor's family's lives, the friends, family & relatives of Sonny Graham had reason to rejoice and thank God.  Shortly after the successful transplant, Graham began writing letters to the donor's family thanking them for the gift of life he had received.  It was through these letters that he met the acquaintance of the donor's widow.  The two hit it off and were married in 1997.  This weekend, just 12 years after receiving the heart (and oddly enough marrying the widow), Sonny Graham committed suicide... the same way his donor had just more than a decade earlier, by a self inflicted gunshot wound to the head.  A matter of the heart or proof that women have the ability to make men do crazy things?

K-FED

When I grow up I want to be Kevin Federline.  Up until recently, I thought that Britney's ex was a poster boy for Douche bags, but thanks to both Britney and an absolutely genius Superbowl Ad

I have actually grown pretty fond of the Douche bag.  This morning on my way to work, I heard a report on the radio that made K-Fed's stock soar.  The professional loser gets over 15k per month in child support and will continue to get that for the next 16+ years... unless he begins to make more money than Brit Brit.  The chances of this happening, according to a Yahoo! News Report are pretty slim.  Here are the fun facts:

Federline spent over $43,000 on Vegas hotels, dining and shopping between May '07 and January '08

• Almost $1500 at Versace.
• Almost 4k at TAO nightclub.
• $3,008 at the Hard Rock Beach Club.
• At Scores (a nudie bar) he dropped a $2000 tip on a $365 tab!

So the spending isn't that bad, because he has to be making some decent money right?  In 2007 Federline spent $841,129!  A guy spending that kind of money must be making a load of dough... Try $544,075... that means that our boy K-FED is at a net loss of almost -$300,000!

So why do I want to be K-FED when I grow up?  Besides the fact the he somehow manages to pay his other baby's mama (Shar Jackson) more for child support than Britney pays him ( $18.228 per month)? 

I want to be Mr. Federline, because Pure Nightclub in Vegas paid him $15,000 to come to his own birthday party and also another $50,000 for various appearances in December of 2007!

My birthday is coming up in a couple of months and if anyone wants to pay me to be at a party in my honor, the starting bid is a Miller High life Tall-Boy.

Rate My Cop part Deux

Due to the overwhelming response to the last "Rate My Cop" post, the Plastic spoon has done some investigating.  It turns out that my neighborhood is not the only one who has been experiencing a rise in parking citations.  Typically parking tickets are the job of "meter maids" and "seniors on patrol", but many have noticed over the last few weeks that all cops have been writing them.  Why is this?  It seems that it has come all the way from the top.  That's right, because the bureaucrats is Sacramento can't manage our tax money, we are heading in to a recession and a budget crisis.  So what do you do?  It takes too long to raise our taxes, so how can our city's and county's get immediate revenue?  PARKING TICKETS!  That's exactly what is happening!  The shit has rolled down hill and the only way to generate the revenue needed is to ticket everyone for frivolous infractions.  BUT DO NOT DESPAIR, there has been enough uproar from this (on both www.ratemycop.com and on theplasticspoon) to warrant a response from the municipalities.  Here is the deal...  If you have been issued a parking citation between February 1, 2008 & March 31, 2008 FOR ANY REASON in San Diego County, Orange County, or Riverside County, you do not have to pay it.  What you need to do is Follow this link and fill out the form and that is it!  The last thing you will need to do is make sure and list the Plastic Spoon as your referring address so that we will get the credit for bringing change to flawed system.

Rate My Cop

I live on corner lot, surrounded by GREAT neighbors.  On the two streets which intersect in front of my house, kids play, dogs run around without fighting, and neighbors chat in the street.  Sound good?  It should!  It is rare to find this sort of neighborhood these days.  You know what sucks about the neighborhood?  THE COPS!  On more than one occasion, I have almost been hit by a speeding black and white.  When I asked one cop in particular why they all ran stop signs and drove too fast in my neighborhood, he replied, "because we can."  This is unacceptable!  Recently, one puny peckered policeman has been on a rampage of issuing parking tickets... PARKING TICKETS!  Not tickets for parking in the middle of the street, or for having expired tags, or even for parking in the red zones.  He is writing them for people parking in their driveways, and on ambiguous corners.  Long, sweeping corners, the likes of a slightly curved street.  When asked why he is writing the tickets, he replied with a snicker and a smile and let us know that someone had pissed him off and that he would let up now.  WHAT!?!?  Even worse, when we asked him why the city wouldn't just paint the curb red, his response was... "if we did that we wouldn't be able to write tickets and make money"....

I HATE THE COPS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD!

I found a great website where you can fight back... at least with some words and accountability.  www.ratemycop.com is a great resource for you to file public complaints about the cops who are abusing their position.  Take a look at the site and search for your neighborhood... I bet you'll find some friends who share your common disdain for the few greedy, bad attitude cops who ruin the cop reputation for all.

Obama is a Mack Daddy...

Watch the choir boy in the back trying not to laugh when the pastor says, "titties"...

2nd Amendment...

For the first time in nearly 70 years, our country's highest court will be interpreting the Second Amendment.  Because of a questionably unconstitutional 1976 ban on Handgun ownership in the nations capitol, the Supreme Court will be forced to address the verbiage of this highly controversial topic.  Many groups have come out in support of both sides of this monumental court date.  Among the groups are the NRA (of which I am a member in good standing), the Pink Pistols (of which I am not a member) and of course many anti-gun lobbies such as the Brady Campaign have also voiced opinions.  While this is without doubt going to be a historic ruling, it is not really worth much more of the Plastic Spoon's finder energy.

What is important is that I deliver the first of many Cyber Spoons.  Up for auction next month is another historic piece of American Firearm History.

The .38 Caliber Colt Revolver that Jack Ruby used to assassinate the alleged JFK Assassin, Lee Harvey Oswald, will be going up for auction through Guernseys Auction House next month, for an expected 2-3 million dollars! 

So why the spoon?  Everyday, law enforcement raids homes, drug labs, and crime rings confiscating countless numbers of weapons.  Those weapons, regardless of history, are for the most part destroyed.  Some are historical, hard-to-find weapons and many are average run-of-the-mill guns, but many (if not all) handguns are destroyed.

So, how is it that the gun that introduced the World to "Reality TV" on November 24th, 1963, was given back to Jack Ruby and by way of his estate was eventually returned to the Brother of the Murderer!?!?  Earl Ruby, Jack Ruby's Brother, received $220,000 for the gun in 1991 from a collector who has been in possession of the weapon since.  Does this seems weird to anyone yet?

Let's recap...

1.  1960, crooked nightclub owner Jack Ruby makes a $62.50 investment in US History, by purchasing a .38 Caliber revolver.

2.  Lee Harvey Oswald proves to be the most amazing marksman in the history of the world, by killing John F. Kennedy.

3.  Jack Ruby goes from thug hit man to national patriot overnight, by killing Lee Harvey Oswald (on live television!)

4.  Earl Ruby, is given the murder weapon, WITH THE ENGRAVED SIGNATURES OF ALL THE COPS WHO HANDLED THE GUN AND INVESTIGATION!

5.  Earl Ruby makes nearly a quarter of a million dollars by auctioning off the weapon to Florida real estate developer Anthony Pugliese III.

6.  Next Month Mr. Pugliese will make between two and three million dollars by selling the gun.

I wonder if the brother of the coward who shot Jamiel Shaw Jr., will be given the weapon after the investigation?  Or maybe the 15 year old murderer Brandon McInerney's family should get the weapon he used to end little Lawrence King's life earlier this month?  Who knows, it could be worth a lot of money to those people some day!

The Plastic Spoon goes to the Dallas Police Department for being a bunch of idiots!  You know what, while we are at it, a cyberspoon goes out to all Police & Sheriff departments on behalf of the Plastic Spoon.  In fact, why don't you all take a minute to visit my new favorite website and deliver your own spoon!

I'm Effing John McCain

Client #9

There is no doubt that anyone reading this humble blog has already heard about the Elliot Spitzer Sex for Money Scandal that has been dominating the news over the past few days.  And If you are anything like me, you LOVE EVERY SLEAZY MINUTE OF IT!!!  Today, I found a series of pictures of the mysterious "Kristen" also known as Ashley Alexandra Dupre who is apparently an aspiring musician... (I heard she plays a mean skin flute... but I digress)

The point of this post is not to restate that which has already been revealed.  It is instead, as always with the Plastic Spoon, to uncover new facts that the rest of the world press cannot and will not tell you about.  It has come to the attention of the Plastic Spoon that it wasn't in fact the FEDS who caught Gov. Spitzer with his hand in the 22 year old prostitute.  It was actually ol' lady Spitzer who discovered that her husband was dropping the cost of a Tata Nano on a younger pair of tatas grande.  Our investigative reporters have uncovered how Silda Wall Spitzer discovered her husbands acts of indiscretion.  As you remember, Gov. Spitzer would pay extra to not wear a condom.  Seriously?  Come on #9, you know as well as we do that you have to wrap it, especially with a girl who calls you "Client #9"!!!  Because Sptizer didn't wear a rubber, it was easy for his wife to know he was cheating.  All she did was look in the pantry (if you know what I mean) and this is what she found...

What is the Lesson to be learned here?  Always use protection when your cute little pet name starts with "Client" and has any number associated with it.

Boxers or Briefs?

In a recent issue of US Weekly, Senator Obama not only refused to answer the important political question, "Boxers or briefs", but he also revealed that his daughters "think Britney and Paris are 'yuck'".  Both of these women are famous for their out of control behavior over the past few years, arguabley most noteably are their poorly shot & edited home video collections and their tendencay to go commando style while exiting low riding vehicles.  This picture begs me to ask the popular Illinois Senator, "Do your girls watch Family Guy?"