The Plastic Spoon

I love Jesus But I Like to Drink a Little

Wacky Iraqi Humor

When I start to complain about the influx of forwards I am getting from my parents, remind me that I have allowed it to happen by doing this sort of thing.

My old man sent me this video and I LOVE IT!

BDSSP NFL Draft Rap 2008

A good friend of mine is a Producer at Best Damn Sports Show Period.  The video below is going to air tonight on FSN, but you can preview it here before the rest of the world.  Enjoy!  ...but if you do, you better let the Spoon know so that he can forward your comments to the producer himself.

OGC

You have got to love the British.  After all, they have given us plenty to laugh about; from Monty Python to Mr. Bean, their comic prowess has entertained those of us with "Bluecoats" for years.  It seems that those wacky Brits have unwittingly done it again.  The Office of Government Commerce (OGC) has been working on re-branding themselves (something that still blows my mind... the US Postal Service did this with Tax-payer money and sponsored a bicycle team--that would be another post).  Their efforts for reinventing culminated in a $28,000 (USD) logo (below)...

Now, being an artist myself, familiar with logo design and having a simplistic style, I can almost appreciate this logo.  I can certainly appreciate the fact that the designer made fairly decent amount of dough by simply pushing some letters together.  If this were a logo that my tax money had paid for I would be throwing tea in a bay somewhere on the east coast, but it is not.  So... why the post today?  Glad I asked.  This is no simple logo.  In fact, it is my deep hope (that Obama cannot even quench) that the artist intended for the logo to be turn 90 degrees clockwise. 

'Nough said... I love the British and their sense of humor!

Rate My Cop Part Trois

This is a great story and one that I hope to someday have written about me.

It turns out that some A-hole cop has finally got what he deserved... or at least part of it.  He spent a month parking in the "convenient" red-zone while he stopped to have lunch everyday and a responsible citizen took note.  When he approached the cop about the infraction, the officer ... are you ready... ignored him!

So, the citizen did what we all should do... follow the link for the story.

My mother...

My mother forwards me things everyday!  In fact, it is not uncommon for her to forward me something on Tuesday that she also sent on Monday... or even better yet; both of my parents (who share a computer) will often send me an email forward (each), then forward the one (same email) that they sent to each other.

But...

My mom really came through this time (which will forever justify in her mind the insessent forwarding) with the forward containing the pictures below.

Aparantly this fashion show took place ed zachary where the 2008 Orympics will take place.  A major manufacture of Condoms in China (Guilin Ratex Factory) puts on the show annually which is sponsored by the UN Population Fund.

My borther just got enganged this weekend, so I am thinking about sending him this dress idea for his bride to be...  You see, the problem with most wedding dresses is that it only gets used once (by the bride) and then put in a closet.  This way, she could use it and then he could get recurring use out of it until they are ready for kids... Just an idea.

No... Please Speak In To the Microphone

Last night, I laughed my ass off with my girlfriend.  I have Direct TV and supsequently more channels than Elliot Spitzer has apology's.  Even with a seemingly endless number of channel options, last night nothing was on.  That is until I found Talk Sex with Sue Johanson!

For those of you haven't experienced this masterpiece of Television entertainment, it is right up there with Shop Erotic (which will be reserved for it's own post someday, but worth noting as an absolutely hilarious way to spend an eveing with friends) and can be viewed on April 27th on the Oxygen Network.

Until then, the best thing for me to do is simply post her picture below and let you know that last night she said, "On my show we don't fool around with silly names like Va-Jay-Jay, I just sat it VAGINA!"  She went on to say, "and you won't hear me refer to them as the boys, they're TESTICLES!"

Ahhhh HAHAHAHAHAH, you will just have to check it out for yourself, enjoy the picture!

Tree huggers

We are all familiar with the hippie tree huggers who are constantly spewing their environmental propaganda and thus forcing me to pay almost $4 per gallon for my gas!  I hear people all the time, fair & balanced people like Rush and Sean Hannity telling us that there is no such thing as Global Warming and I want to believe it... I really do!  I want to believe that drilling in Alaska will bring the cost of fuel back down under a dollar, or that killing a few buffalo's in S. Dakota will make my oil changes happen more frequently at less out of pocket cost to me.  I listen to both sides of the argument, from the eternally boring inventor of the Internet Al Gore flying all over the world in his private gas-guzzling jet telling us to stop polluting and to carpool.  Then there is Rush Limbaugh who is convinced that this is simply a Leftist plot by the Environmental Wackos to keep us from doing whatever we want, whenever we want.  But until now, I have been fairly split on my decision, not knowing exactly what to believe in relation to the "environmental crisis".

Until now...

It seems that Mother Nature and Humanity cannot have a symbiotic relationship.  It always worried me that environmentalists seemed to care more about trees, bushes, and dragonflies than about their fellow human beings.  Jokingly I would accuse them of being "Enviro-sexuals" who liked to "do it" with plants.  It turns out that my tongue and cheek assumption is true, and the picture below proves it.  An Indonesian "tree hugging" woman was knocked-up by a rain forest tree and has given birth to the first Plant-Human.

The Treeman hopes to get married soon and perpetuate the inner-mixing of humans and plants.

The question is, can this possibly be the solution to Global Warming?  After all, humans breath oxygen and expel CO2, while plants breathe CO2 and expel pure O2... the plant-humans will no longer be polluters and on top of that, all kinds of crazy people with nothing better to do will want to hug them to save their lives!

The Camel's Toe

Ok, I think I might have found one of the most incredible pieces of journalism I have ever read.  Just to give you an idea, the journalist includes this statement in his article on the new bar in town, "But, in fact the name [Camel's Toe] has a double meaning. The Camel's Toe has a meaning "the clear visible presence of a woman's vulva as a consequence of wearing overly tight pants" ... need I say more?

Take a moment and read the article here.

How Bad Does That Smell?

You know what it's like when you wake up late for work, so late that you barely have enough time to wipe the sleep out of your eyes (let alone brush all of your teeth) before you stumble to your car trying not to spill your coffee as you fumble for your keys.  With the morning paper between your shoulder and chin, you set your coffee on the roof (knowing full well you're gonna forget it up there) and open the driver-side door.  That's when it happens... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL?  The smell is so strong that you feel like you've been kicked in the face by a Jackie Chan fart, and then it hits you... you remember... there they are, riding bitch on your rear bench seat.  Right where you set them last night, your leftover moo goo gai pan, fried rice, and won ton soup.

You know exactly what I am talking about.  The thought crosses your mind, did I seriously eat that last night?  And what the shit are my farts going to smell like today?  In my case, I cannot wait to secretly share those Bruce Lee Boost's with my most beloved co-workers.

When you consider how bad leftover Asian food smells and the residual effect it has on your local environment, imagine how bad it must smell on the other side of this video.  As you watch the video below, I want you to imagine that you are a tourist, and to save a couple of bucks you and your girlfriend decided to take public transportation.  Also, you used Priceline to negotiate your hotel cost (who wouldn't with William Shatner encouraging you to not be a Namby Pamby) so your hotel is on the outskirts of town.  So you and your babe get on the train at the first stop, with a destination 13 blocks away... with that scenario in mind, enjoy the video you are about to watch.

Let's assume that the smell of sweat and tempura farts don't kill you, how dangerous must that be?  I mean, the threat of having your eye poked out by a pointy sideburn is reason enough to wear safety glasses!

The good news is that once you get off the train, you can wash off and relax at one of Tokyo's finest water parks by going in the wave pool... Why is this water so warm?